Hello, friends, well it has been a while, hasn’t it?
It’s funny, I have so many things I want to share with you, yet I’ve spent the past 15 minutes staring at a blank page, bouncing between menial tasks and social media accounts, waiting for the words to come rushing into my mind. But they didn’t.
Sometimes you just have to start writing.
This is the first proper blog I’ve written in over a year. Unlike in the past, though, my hiatus isn’t due to complete disappearance, but rather a rebalancing of priorities (and maybe a bit of anxious avoidance).
Without boring you with details that won’t actually help anyone, over the past year I have been working really hard on both my YouTube channel and, more recently, Libero. Apparently when there is work to be done I do better focusing on one thing at a time.
Writing needed to be put on the back burner–but I suffered greatly for it.
You know how they say, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”? Well, I learned this about writing.
In the weeks leading up to this moment, I’ve been reminded of why this is always the place I come back to–me sitting here with you, divided by a screen but connected through words.
Writing is the one place I feel at home. It connects me to myself and the world around me. I can’t fake it with writing; I can only be myself.
Writing, I’ve come to realize, is the one place I never feel alone.
So here I am once again, allowing my heart and mind to spill out, converting pent up thoughts and feelings to words as my fingers tap tap away at the keyboard.
Maybe I’m back because I realized what I was missing. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling lonely. Or maybe it’s simply because it’s time. Whatever the reason, I’m learning to not question it.
I’m also learning to not regret the time that has passed.
Do you ever get caught in that cycle? The cycle of ‘not doing’ that leads to the regret of ‘time wasted’ that, inevitably, prevents you from doing even when the time is right?
This is what I am working through. These days I’m trying my best to live in hopeful anticipation rather than regret.
There’s too much ahead; I don’t have time to look back.
There is, however, so much I’ve wanted to write about, but my anxiety wouldn’t let me (though I’m sure it had its reasons).
The good news is, these things aren’t going anywhere–except maybe the hype. But when have I ever written something just to catch a wave? I’m far too methodical and slow to react for that.
In case you’re interested, here are some of the things that have been taking up space in the back corners of my mind:
- To The Bone: I’ve seen your messages! I haven’t watched it yet, but I plan to and when I do, believe me, I will write.
- 13 Reasons Why Season 2: This has been my largest procrastination. Season 1 took over my life for nearly 3 months in 2017 (has it really been 2 years?!) On that note, apparently, season 3 is just around the corner. I’m not that far behind, am I?
- The Return of Eugenia Cooney: confession, before last week I had never watched anything by Shane Dawson and I had never heard of Eugenia Cooney. However, now that I’m back to writing, I will be diving into some of these stories that are shining a spotlight on mental health.
- Documentaries…so many documentaries. I’m talking Fyre, The American Meme, and so many others.
- Instagram vs. Reality
It seems this blog may turn partly into a conversation about popular media, and that’s fine by me.
Anyways, I veered off a bit there, but it feels good to finally get all of that out. Now that I’ve written it, it’s become a commitment. And those of you who have followed me for years know that, even though it may not be immediate, I always follow-through on my commitments.
As for anxiety, yes I’ve been living with it.
However, it is becoming less of a driver and more of an opinionated passenger. I will be writing more about this, too.
I also plan to share a bit about my professional life: working from home, building a business and community, managing three jobs, and why I’m not buying into the “boss babe” narrative.
In short, I plan to share my life: what I’m learning, how I’m growing, and what I notice along the way.
Most importantly, I want this space to be a similar place for you as it is for me: a place where you can explore, be understood, find comfort, and maybe feel a little less alone.
Initially, I was going to call this post “I’m Back (again)” but I realized something: not only is that a lame title, but it also implies that you’ve all been waiting here for my return. Don’t worry; though I have the required amount of ego to be a writer, I’m not that vain. Instead, for those who are here now, I’d like to welcome you back. I hope you stay awhile.
DROP ME A LINE IN THE COMMENTS WHILE YOU’RE HERE!
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