Apparently Back from Hiatus…

I know it’s been awhile. Here’s the thing I’ve learned about life: it carries on. Though you may stop, freeze, get stuck in reverse, life keeps moving forward with or without you.

But here’s something else I’ve learned about life – the most beautiful part of it: it’s never too late to pick up and start moving again.

I’ve been gone for awhile. I’m calling it a hiatus – though typically a hiatus is planned. mine was not. I just couldn’t write. I had nothing to say. And so I was stuck. I couldn’t find meaning and without meaning I couldn’t find what to write about.

What I forgot is that through writing I often find meaning.

I’ll be honest, some days I was just too lazy or irresponsible. Other days I was busy nursing a sick puppy and practising bridal makeup. But underneath it all, mostly I was just afraid.

At the end of the day, aren’t we all just frightened, scared little girls?

Maybe not. But behind the red lipstick, aviatar frames, and high heels, I am.

The truth is, I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed writing desperately. So desperately. Probably more than I’ve missed running or beating the *&(*&( out of my punching bag. More than any of it, I’ve missed writing.

Fear is a tricky thing.

I was afraid to start – afraid I’d find out I was washed up, used, and had nothing left worth saying.
I was afraid to write about it – fearing being judged.
I was afraid to find out my fears didn’t come true and I’d just been wasting time.

They teach us that we have a choice when we’re afraid: Fight or Flight. Somewhere along the way I discovered a third option: stand still.

And so that’s what I’ve been doing – standing still. An ostrich with it’s head in the sand: if I don’t look at it, it can’t hurt me.

But life carried on without me.

I knew it was happening and I hated it. Head in the sand nonetheless, I could still feel the vibrations as those around moved past me. I could hear the sounds of the world continuing to exist even though I had not – back to merely being an observer.

But that has never been enough.

And so here I am. I am back. Still a bit scared, a bit lazy, and a little bit “kick ass” – I hope you will take me as I come.

It’s never too late to reinvent yourself – sometimes you just have to wake up in the morning, grab the heels that have been collecting dust, and slap on some red lipstick and charge forward.

Fight, flight, or stand still?

I choose fight.

No matter how many times I stick my head in the sand, at the end of the day I will always choose fight.

And you will be hearing a whole lot more from me soon…

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